apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
