my vag is so smooth its legendary
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
