I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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