I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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