With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
