Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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