3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
