It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The ass gains better be worth it
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