Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
