if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
