Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
