apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I can't turn off my feet"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
