I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
