jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I looked at my own cervix.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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