I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize