she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
okay pat passed out under dana's car
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
