So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
