So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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