Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(239): View more from Florida

and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.

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(239): and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer. http://tfl.nu/xmgi

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(513): View more from Ohio

She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.

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(513): She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools. http://tfl.nu/fny5

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(607): View more from New York

New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics

(1-607): View more from New York

That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder

(1-607): View more from New York

Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?

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(607): New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics (1-607): That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder (1-607): Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in? http://tfl.nu/6ryu

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(214): View more from Texas

does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??

(817): View more from Texas

dude, everything can mix, this is college.

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(214): does wine, beer, and vodka mix well?? (817): dude, everything can mix, this is college. http://tfl.nu/mqi0

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen

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(860): I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen http://tfl.nu/pyhr

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(630): View more from Illinois

Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.

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(630): Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze. http://tfl.nu/d5vp

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(+41): View more from Switzerland

I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples

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(+41): I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples http://tfl.nu/80un

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(434): View more from Virginia

Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.

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(434): Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other. http://tfl.nu/93c9

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(+45): View more from Denmark

You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?

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(+45): You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right? http://tfl.nu/cwve

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(727): View more from Florida

And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity

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(727): And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity http://tfl.nu/9e9v

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(907): View more from Alaska

On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.

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(907): On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks. http://tfl.nu/rprq

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(308): View more from Nebraska

is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...

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(308): is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night... http://tfl.nu/up0o

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(903): View more from Texas

Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.

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(903): Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere. http://tfl.nu/srvw

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(614): View more from Ohio

not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...

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(614): not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin... http://tfl.nu/5fas

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(845): View more from New York

Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?

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(845): Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ? http://tfl.nu/zpud

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