the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?