just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.