if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.