I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse