This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
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I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.