The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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