Yo dont text me then not text me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
