its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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