dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
