Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
