im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My ass is underappreciated
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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