her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
