Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
