Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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