News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
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The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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