He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
