So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
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I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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