I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
