So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
