So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
