Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
