you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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