Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
