i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
