I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
