im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Someone signed my nipple.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
