Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
