walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
