You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
