the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
