I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I need a burrito and a hug.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
