He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
