we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
