mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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