Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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