Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
