I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
