Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
