Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
