in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Then you guys just all showered together...?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
