i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
