"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
