I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Reggie can tackle my bush.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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