I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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