I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
there was a trapeze. enough said
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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