remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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