i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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